Holding on to Hope During Fertility Treatment

 Photo by  Ron Smith  on  Unsplash

Photo by Ron Smith on Unsplash

Going through fertility treatments can be such an emotional rollercoaster.  Starting out, you may feel hopeful that all your efforts will pay off, then you’re devastated when a cycle doesn’t work out.  You question everything you possibly could have done wrong, only to find the determination and strength to try again.  It’s difficult to ride this rollercoaster without maintaining some hope that what you’re doing will work out eventually.  

But how much hope is ok?

Is it ok to be optimistic and believe that this time will work out?

What if it doesn’t?  Will I be completely devastated because I got my hopes up?

Maybe it’s better not to have too much hope…

These are some of the thoughts you may find yourself struggling with.  It’s a common topic in our practice.  Here are some of the things our clients find helpful in thinking about hope.  

Feelings and intentions are there, regardless of how much you try to minimize or ignore them.  It’s natural to feel hopeful when you are undergoing fertility treatment.  If you felt totally hopeless, you probably would not be investing so much energy, time, and money into having a child.. Trying to convince yourself that you can’t have too much hope is not going to change anything.  It won’t change the outcome.  It won’t stop your heartbreak if there is no pregnancy this month.  

It’s a balancing act.  While it’s helpful to let yourself have hope, it’s also important not to put too many expectations on your situation.  Some people will think things like, “it’s going to work this time” or “we’ll be pregnant by (fill in the blank with some month or time of year).”  While it can feel positive and encouraging to repeat these statements, it also can be extremely disappointing when things don’t go according to the plan at the end of the statement.  Instead, try modifying your statement by dropping the deadline.  It may sound something like, “I”m hopeful this will work out,” “We’re doing all that we can right now,” or “I have faith in my doctor/our plan.”  

Do what works for you, and respect what works for your partner.  If you are generally an optimistic person and it’s feels comforting to be hopeful, keep doing that.  If it’s not your partner’s natural tendency to be optimistic in difficult times, that’s ok too.  We all cope differently.  Rather than trying to convince your partner to be hopeful, try validating your partner’s feelings.  She may simply need to feel her disappointment, anger, frustration, before she can return to a more hopeful place.  

If you are struggling with the stress of fertility treatments, contact us today for a free initial consultation or to schedule an appointment.